friendships are hard sometimes : )

the daily taryn

a currently daily writing project about everything and maybe also nothing

oct 9th, 2020
read this on thetarynarnold.com

some thoughts on friendship and covid and how our brains are very tired.

when life is on autopilot, most people are too. when things change, most people do too. although change and adventure and new is so romantic, humans tend to prefer autopilot and our brains do too. when our brain understands what’s going on in and around it, it doesn’t have to work so hard. if it knows what it’s doing, where it’s going and how long it will take, it uses less power and get’s to relax (like driving home, and not even noticing you’re doing it). the brain kicks it’s feet up and checks out. that’s nice, and people like that feeling too.

if you’re like me, up until 2020, your life was just kinda cruising. even if there were massive changes happening for you, your surroundings were likely not too wild. you went to restaurants and gym and had friends stay longer than you wanted but you liked it because it’s fun. you just kept doing what you normally do, seeing who you normally see. it was easy.

then, boom. 2020. covid. politics. i guess that’s kinda it but those things are big boys. if you’re like me, your friendships really really changed. where you normally bumped into each other or caught up or exchanged stories or hugged to say hi — that poofed away. you suddenly had to put in effort. your brain woke up and needed to put in work again, just trying to get things back to familiarity.

it might’ve worked for a bit - lots of zooms and text chains and virtual game nights - but at some point, you and your brain lost steam. covid didn’t end. the climate heated up, both politically and with literal fires. and your brain couldn’t really keep up or adjust, so it got tired and retreated and here you are. kinda sad and lonely and like, oh.

here’s what’s crazy. change is good, and so is familiarity. it’s good to have both. but you’re actually not meant to have a ton of friends — it’s just not how you’re built. and i think the stress of this year pruned a lot of those unnecessary ones for you. the ones that were hanging on just to hang on, because it was convenient. unfortunately, it might’ve shed a bad light on some of those friendships you thought were bulletproof. i’m not sure what it did to yours, but i know what it’s doing to mine.

pay attention to that. pay attention to who you miss. pay attention to who you feel better without. pay attention to who you really wish you would’ve (and still should and can) do better for. then reach out, say sorry, and do better.

just some thoughts. feel free to tag anyone who’s been a rock through all this <3

Talk tomorrow.
Your friend,
Taryn

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