a casual afternoon cry moment

the daily taryn — july 11, 2022

I was not expecting to cry today. Some days, I am, actually. I wake up weird or am on my period or going through a fun little sad patch. But today was not one of those days.

I woke up spry, ready for life, absolutely vibing on a Monday. I was ready to make my coffee and have my meetings and text my friends and clear my inbox. All the things! I was gonna do it!

And I did! And then, I cried! About 2 hours ago, to be exact, for about 20 minutes, on the couch in my office. It wasn’t earth-shattering and my world is still very much okay but I did just cry and I think that’s a thing worth thinking about. How emotions can come out of no where sometimes.

And old wounds. How specifically weird they feel.

You can be having a weirdly-nice Monday and then an old wound that you’re shocked still exists just pops in to say fuck you and water comes out of your eyes and you get a hug and move forward. What a funny little cycle.

I’m sat here now, trying to finish up some work, and am just so struck but how strong old wounds can be. If you’ve ever broken a bone, you know this feeling. Little stupid Suzie tripped you in 3rd grade and your ankle snapped, and you literally NEVER think about it besides that one time every 3 years when you’re randomly at a cabin and it’s just cold enough for your ankle to wakes up. A little pain, a little throb. Randomly coming in to say hi. And probably “fuck suzie.”

There’s also a weird embarrassment from crying about something old. Like why do I still care? Why does this still hurt? That… embarrassment/shame/why-ness was so strong today that I literally said to Cam: “it just makes me feel like a kid again. i instantly feel like i’m there and i’m a kid and i feel abandoned and i don’t get why they don’t care. i feel like a kid.”

But as they say on the great Love Island, it is what it is. Everything is fine. I’m fine. Nothing is different in my life than it was this morning when I woke up. I just thought of an old something and it hurt and now I’m telling you about it.

I guess I just hope you know that old wounds are still wounds. A lot of wounds heal, and a lot of wounds take time. Don’t be embarrassed. A wound is a wound.

Talk soon

your friend,

taryn