the one where the thing can be two things

the daily taryn — may 16, 2022

I didn’t watch Friends when it was on TV. I’m not really sure why, actually. If I had to guess, knowing previous me, I’d say it’s because my parents didn’t watch it and I hated being late to the game with anything. I needed to watch something because I wanted to watch something, not because everyone else was.

I’ve now watched it through twice, and loved every single minute. I’m mad at 10-year-old me. She made me wait until adulthood to watch a show that has brought immeasurable joy and belonging and connection to my life. What a dumb little bitch I was.

A lot of gay people have a gripe with Friends

And I am not one of them. There’s countless bad gay jokes, and it shows a very singular view of what lesbians look like. But if you watch any older show — and by older show, I literally mean anything that’s even a year old — it won’t “hold up” to where culture is now. It will always have comments or characters or plot lines that are limited, insensitive, or not representative of the whatever group they’re trying to represent.

This is good — really good, I think. It shows that the world changes, and our entertainment changes with it. It will always lag, because movies and shows and music are a representation of culture (unless it’s spooky or spacey or techy or something meant to be imaginative). And sometimes our culture sucks because some people suck, and art just shines a light on that.

So yes, watching Friends now is a different experience than it was 20 years ago. That’s part of why I love it — and I mean just a very small part, because that show is gold.

Lesbians, say thanks

Outdated as it is, we have a lot to thank Friends for. It showed us how to support each other. It showed us how to find your people. It normalized being confused — in love, in careers, in friendships, in life. It taught us the importance of aligning on what “a break” means. It made doing dumb shit with your friends seem like the best way to spend your time.

AND.

Despite all its plot lines and jokes that “don’t hold up” …

Friends showed the first lesbian wedding on television. In prime time.

Read that again.

That’s massive, but it wasn’t even it. “The One with the Lesbian Wedding” did a lot more than that. It wasn’t just a moment. It was a ~~**MOMENT**~~. Two network affiliates refused to air the episode, which ended up just drawing more attention to it. NBC even hired extra staff just to handle the thousands of angry phone calls they expected to get, but they got… 2 calls. The episode was the highest rated program on television the week it aired, and the first episode of Friends to ever hit #1.

Both at once

One thing isn’t always one thing.

It can be both bad and good.

Both outdated and modern.

Both common and one of a kind.

One episode can piss people off and bring tears of joy.

One show can teach you everything and nothing.

One moment can slip your memory and be the thing that changes your life.

It can be both.

Talk soon

your friend,

taryn