what do you want??

the daily taryn - nov 13th

Hi! Happy Friday.

Actually. I’m not feeling very uppercase. Let’s start over.

hiiii. happy friday!

i’ve been thinking a lot about how vulnerable i feel when i take time to actually think about what i want. do you feel that too? like, close your eyes after you read this next question:

what do you want in life?

hi, open eyes please.

i’m not sure if this is how it went for you, but here’s how it goes for me:

what do i want? ummm. wow this is hard to think about. it makes me sad to think i won’t get it, so i’d rather not want it at all.

but, for exercise sake, here we go.

what do i want. money i think? like a lot. like, enough to not have to worry about money, which, let’s be honest, i’m doing fine, but i could be doing… finer. also wow did i really start this with money? ew, who am i? that’s not my main goal in life, but it’s definitely the first thing most people (and me I guess) think of when they think about making goals. that’s icky but also that’s okay. it’s not all i want or need, but it definitely helps a lot work easier.

so yeah. money. and to own a house that feels airy and warm and cozy and unique. i want a house that gives me the same feeling that candles give me, or a really soft blanket that’s not too worn in. a house that’s “perfect for entertaining” and where we host the best game nights and backyard dinners. a house built with people in mind.

i also want to do something that has influence over people for a living. maybe it’s a podcast or writing a book or two or hosting something or, i don’t know. really even dreaming about it is making me feel sad instead of hopeful, because it’s not what i’m doing and it’s not what i feel close to doing.

ouch.

i want a group of friends that i am dying to bring people into, but also dying to keep people out because i love it so much, i don’t want it ruined. i want some single friends and some married friends and some friends who are bopping in and out and going with the flow. i have this and i want to have it for ever and ever and ever.

i’d also like to have a really healthy marriage in my lifetime. one filled with a lot of smiles and laughter. one that’s light — like actually light — where even the heaviness has a nice levity to it. i want to look at my wife across a packed room and share a look that we both understand, without a shadow of a doubt. i want a marriage with a lot of surprises and gratitude and sex and headaches from laugh-crying, not cry-crying. i want a marriage that gives me life and makes me feel more me.

i want to do something that athletically pushes me farther than i thought i could go, like running a marathon or doing a triathlon or something that just makes me want to shake up a bottle of champagne and go “ahh! i trained for this and i did it!!”

i want to feel really good about my body for a long period of time, not a day where i wake up and feel “less bloated” but a year where i’m walking around proud of the body i worked for.

i want to never ever ever settle for anything i don’t want or that secretly makes me sad, from work to love to things i buy to thoughts i have.

how do i get all this stuff? i should really start taking manifestation seriously — seems like it works for some people. it’d be fun to get the life i want. mine is already *unreal 11/10* so it’d be wild to see it get even better. here’s to hoping!

that’s where my brain goes when i think about what i want. it feels good. i was scared to think about any of it because i didn’t want to feel sad that i didn’t have it. instead, i’m feeling hopeful. and proud. and like i deserve every bit of what i want, and that i’ll get it.

SO. what do you want? maybe take yourself to coffee this weekend (even just to the back yard) and dream for a minute. it’s fun <3

have a great weekend my loves.

your friend,

taryn

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