the key to understanding each other

the daily taryn — feb 8, 2022

Two separate moments, one common thread.

1. “GET BACK NATHAN”

I’m at the park trying to be a sporty girl who gets her steps in. There’s a group of 6 ~11yo boys playing a game. It looks like baseball-meets-football-meets-the final challenge at the end of Squid Game. So naturally, I’m intrigued, but I’m not about to sit at the park and watch little boys play at the park.

I keep moving but sound does what it does best — it carries, and I hear the following war-cry:

“NATHAN. GET BACK NATHAN. YOU HAVE TO. GET BACK. NATHAN!!!!”

I have no idea what’s going on except that Nathan really fucking needs to get back. It sounded dire, so I look over and no one is in danger. Nothing is happening. Like, nothing. But they’re playing their little game like it’s life and death.

I instantly imagined that the yeller will go home to his parents and talk about Nathan ruining the game because he didn’t get back. And he had to. Classic Nathan.

2. The biggest magazine in Norway

My butt might be on the couch, but my jaw is on the floor. We’re about 75% way through The Tinder Swindler — a netflix documentary about a conman who uses Tinder to find his victims, and I am truly blown away. The psychology and skill of someone who can successfully orchestrate, manipulate, and thrive while screwing others over is astonishing. That’s why I love a conman story — it’s just so unbelievable and in some weird way, impressive. Imagine they used those skills for something positive.

We’re at the part where his victims are realizing they’re not alone — that he’s a master at his “craft” and has a pattern of royally detonating people’s lives. I’m so bought in to them ruining him. I cannot fathom the fact that I haven’t heard this story before — that it isn’t all over the news. I need these ladies to ban together and do something massive, and you can tell the story is taking us that way. It’s been building for over an hour and I am *ready* for this balloon to pop. The anticipation is high.

The main victim feels it too. She goes:

“Someone needs to stop him. I need to stop him.”

I’m dying. I’m ready for this sweet little Finnish woman to do something so something that we all breathe a sigh of relief.

To stop this serial conman, the woman goes for the killshot:

“I need to stop him. So. I go to VG, the biggest magazine in Norway.”

I wish you could’ve seen my face. If “someone who looks like a confused, deflated balloon” was in the dictionary — and the dictionary had pictures — you’d see my face, with all my air leaking out.

What the fuck is VG? That’s the big move? You’re entire life has imploded and you know — without a shadow of a doubt — that this man who you thought was your boyfriend is also a bunch of other people’s boyfriend and he’s sucked you dry for all of your money (and made you take out loans!!) and your big move is to go tell a Norwegian newspaper? A paper/outlet I’ve never heard of?

The thread

Perspective is crazy. Remembering how powerful it is, and that it exists at all, is, in my opinion, one of the keys to understanding people.

To that little boy at the park, Nathan being out of line was earth shattering. Just because I didn’t think so doesn’t mean it’s not true. Him going home to his family, talking shit about Nathan for a week is valid. Maybe if I had all the facts/background/context that boy had, I’d be screaming at Nathan too.

On the flipside, me being able to look at that game and interaction, seeing kids yelling at each other, and knowing that it’s a little game he’ll forget in a year is also valid and true. As someone who has undoubtedly had a million yelling-at-Nathan moments in my childhood, I know that it’s valid and true, because I remember none of them.

And to the Tinder victim, the single most brave, heroic thing she could think of doing was breaking the story to VG. Just because I had never heard of it — either the magazine or the story that came out of it — doesn’t mean she didn’t do a massively, deeply herculean thing.

On the flipside, me watching that, waiting for the entire plot to come together and laughing at “I need to stop him. So I go to VG, the biggest magazine in Norway” is 100% valid. As someone who is watching one of the most insane conman stories I’ve ever seen, I am so shocked that was their play, and then not shocked at all that the story didn’t go anywhere after it’s big break in VG, until now.

The point? You’re seeing everything from your perspective, and remembering that when you’re interacting with anyone else (who is also only seeing everything from their perspective) will probably help you loosen your grip on a lot of things. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with their perspective, but I bet it’ll help you give grace, make sense, and move forward.

“You don’t see things as they are, you see them as you are.”

Love u bbs. Thanks for reading this, as always. And reminder that this newsletter will always stay free, and while I may not send one every week, I’ll be sending the new members-only edition called little thoughts every week. Thanks to all who have already hopped on to support me. I thought my first edition was really good, actually 🥺 <3

talk soon.

your friend,

taryn